Insurance agent

What is the worst thing that can happen to you at a funeral?

 Sense of loss, fear of death, deep depression? No. The worst thing that can happen to you at a funeral is - you meet an insurance agent.

Impeccably dressed in a green t-shirt and pink lungi with floral prints, the insurance agent walked up to me and said, ‘What an unfortunate day, it was so sudden. This can happen to anyone. That is why I urge everyone to take insurance and live in peace.’   

‘It wasn’t sudden. The dead man was ninety seven years old and bedridden for nine months.’ I thought.

Welcome to the world of Insurance agents.

On that funeral day, I endured his persuasion. I endured his pink color lungi with floral prints. His brochure could not allure to me to his obscure assured income and insurance schemes. Every scheme assured income –income to the insurance agent.

He had book in his hand, neatly covered with brown paper. I inquired, ‘What’s this book about? And why is it covered?’

‘Big secret. I don’t let other people know about what I’m reading. ’ He opened that book and showed it to me. It was a Malayalam version of Shiv Khera’s You can Win. 

‘I know this book, but the English version,’ I told him proudly.

‘These Americans, they are so quick. They have already translated it into English. That is why they win more medals than us in the Olympics,’ more explanation on worldly affairs.

‘I have a test tomorrow, I have to prepare,’ I said in an effort to escape further embarrassment.

‘Oh I had tests when I was in school, and they were all surprise tests.’

‘And then?’ I asked.

‘Well. I was surprised’

‘I’m not surprised that you were surprised,' I thought.

‘You don’t want to be surprised in life. Would you? I have a scheme that can help you cut taxes, save money and ensure peace for your family. ’

 ‘Don’t have to study! Well prepared opening bait. Caught the attention of the audience, and your victim in particular,’ the evaluators might say.

Few minutes later, I signed the dotted line - Insured for five lakhs. Coming to think about it, I will never see that money. Now I realize that I actually signed it not for the money but for peace of mind it offered.  -A peaceful life without Insurance agents bugging me.

How do you handle such insurance agents?  After a lot of research, I’ve found out a few ways to tackle insurance agents.

Now the first way is:

  Ask him to join a Multi level marketing meeting conducted by a friend. We all have such friends somewhere. The Agent will join the Multi level marketing scam and become insanely rich or completely insane that he will never sell insurance again.’  Just what you want, you have helped the world to become a better place to live with one less insurance agent.

The next way is asking questions like my cousin did.

My twelve year old cousin walked up to our dear agent and asked, ‘I’ve a coin, Can I insure that?’

‘Oh yes, Rihana’s insured her thighs why can’t you insure your coins?  Btw, how much is the coin worth?’

‘About a crore,’.

‘What a lottery? You have come to the right person.’

‘Yes it is a lottery,’ My cousin produced a twenty paisa coin from his pocket. ‘It might be worth a crore if you use it to scratch a lottery.’

A word of caution: Unless you are a cute twelve year old, insure yourself in case the agent has weak sense of humor. You might end up as the weak one in a hospital. Humor is the best medicine, Sarcasm is even better. But you can’t treat broken ribs with humor and sarcasm.